Earlier this year, I turned 30 years old. This is something that was so scary to me for such a long time. 30 just seems like such a big number, and it really hit me that society will look at me differently, even though I feel the same.
At the same time, turning 30 had me reflecting deeply on my life, something I often do but this felt different. I think when you turn 30 you become much more aware of your mortality, you don’t take life for granted as much as you do in your earlier years.
I started my art business when I was still in university. I was really inspired by illustrators I saw on instagram and felt like if they could make art as a full time job, then I could too.
And I did! I built a business with my illustrations and have had a steady income from them since I was 25 years old.
Looking back, I am so proud of myself. I had so many people tell me I needed a full-time job and I couldn’t make money from my art and I'm so glad I didn’t listen to the noise and followed my instincts instead. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I would regret it one day if I didn’t try.
What I want to talk to you about today is growth. Our minds are so incredibly complex, and we spend our lives changing and evolving. Many people will say they are not the same person they were at 20 than they are at 40, that’s because life shapes us. The things we see, experience, the things that happen to us whether or good or bad help inform our views of life.
I am not the same person I was at 25, I know that for sure. I look back at myself just coming out of university and being so afraid of the world, afraid of what people will think of me, afraid of failing. I experienced a lot of ups and downs throughout my 20’s, and it shaped me to be the way I am today.
What has changed along with me is my art. It has evolved a lot since I first started drawing and posting it online while I was still in university. I started in the fashion industry, making digital art and fashion illustrations at events, of people in nice dresses and runway outfits. Then I picked up a set of watercolours, and realized I connected much more with my artwork when it was tactile, on a surface I could feel with my hand. I then discovered gouache paint, and it allowed me to bring an extra layer of depth into my work by exploring its versatility. These are the pieces many people know me for and that are cherished by so many in their homes across the world. That’s an incredible feeling.
About a year and a half ago, I booked a consultation to get some help with my art, because I kept feeling burnt out and lost in the world of trying to keep up with demands. I explained that while I loved my artwork, I felt there was something missing. Somewhere along the way, my art became a product and I lost the emotional connection to painting.
With guidance, I have been diving into the world of oil painting. And it’s not so much about the medium, as it is about letting go for me. I had become incredibly detailed with my artwork, incredibly tight and descriptive. I could feel my hand eager to just move freely across a surface and apply colour in a way that was freeing. I was craving texture, imperfection and emotion.
This was again met with a bit of resistance at first, both from me and my audience, understandably. They had known me for a specific art style, and all of a sudden I was changing again. In society we like to put people in boxes, whether we realize it or not. We label people based on how we get to know them, and then sometimes if they change we have to change our inner dialogue about them too.
I felt guilty for changing, I felt like I was giving up on something I had worked so hard to create. But again, I knew I would regret one day if I didn’t try to uncover the true artist deep down in me, waiting to be allowed to come out and play and make a mess. To make art that is vulnerable and unique.
I had my first art show in April last year, with my new oil paintings and it went incredibly well. I had such incredible conversations with people who connected with my paintings and I felt proud that I could make art from a deep place inside and that it would make people feel joy.
I’m excited to share more of my oil painting journey with you, and want to encourage you through this post to allow yourself to grow. Whatever that looks like to you, I want to remind you that you have the permission to change, no matter where you are in your life. You only get one life, and I think it’s important that we live with intention.
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